be who you are
and say what you feel
cos those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind
this morning i was frustrated. before i went to work i spoke my frustration to john. i had only a few minutes before i had to leave but i got it out. there were a few tears, a hug, a bit of laughter and a kiss good-bye. no big deal.
but i went to work feeling guilty.
i had been at my desk about 20 minutes when john emailed me, saying, can we talk more tonight? i understand why you are frustrated and i'm sorry.
and still i felt guilty.
here's my problem. i'm hampered by what i call THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND - a hideous creature who exists only in my own mind. [and yes, those capital letters are necessary!]
THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND does not complain, is never angry, never speaks harshly, never asks for anything, is silent, willing, compliant, and physically immaculate. THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND warns me that unless i am indeed perfect john won't love me, even though he has never expressed the desire for me to be any thing other than who i am.
THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND does not complain, is never angry, never speaks harshly, never asks for anything, is silent, willing, compliant, and physically immaculate. THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND warns me that unless i am indeed perfect john won't love me, even though he has never expressed the desire for me to be any thing other than who i am.
perhaps you are familiar with THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND [or a variation of her]?
i find it very hard to articulate my truth when i am in a relationship, thanks to THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND. she tells me it's okay, you don't need to talk about this, you're fine, stop complaining, do you want him to hate you?
but what happens when i don't speak my truth? oh, that's not pretty. think sullenness, simmering resentment, followed by furious, frustrated anger ... and saying things i later regret. not speaking my truth has actually killed my love for some one. it's even made me physically ill.
THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND is a bitch, and i want her gone from my life.
7 comments:
Hi Anne-Marie I can so relate with this blog. I tried to be the perfect wife for 13years all it got me was the status of a doormat that caused bitterness, resentment and self hatred. Any decent guy(and John sounds like one) wouldn't want a perfect wife or girl friend. They would want the real you truthful honest fiery at times maybe, lovable , compassionate etc etc... but not a yes woman how boring and how sad that we think we have to conform to this sometimes. You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to me I love reading you blogs. Kind regards M.
i think there are always situations in life where we find ourselves being forced into a particular role and that can be very hard if it doesnt sit well with us
i dont really have an answer other than the old shakesperian "be true to yourself"
Your experience reflects a lot of lives, I suspect. Very well spoken.
the tricky thing about the perfect girlfriend is that she's actually not.
she just tricks us into thinking she is
(we are*)
* yes, that includes YOU
Brilliant!
Thank you for sharing this!
Hi Anne-Marie
I got here via Robb's blog.
It so easy to just go along with things and not be true to ourselves, and you've captured the essence of this very well.
And yes life is such a transient thing, going off to work without it sorted is risky so it was nice to read that John followed up.
Cheers
Donald
Be true to yourself and push perfection away, there is no such thing.
Always come from the heart with everything you do and you can't go wrong.
No one is perfect and I am sure John loves you for just who you are. Plus, relationships have ups and downs, but it's how we deal with them that matters.
xx
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