as i've got older, i've become better at listening, i think. listening to god, listening to the silence, listening to myself, listening to my body, listening to my loved ones, listening to whoever happens to be talking to me.
i still talk too much, but i hope i am a better listener than i was.
recently, i've been listening to the part of me that's telling me you need to stop being a journalist. it's been around on and off for some time, this voice; probably a few years. but now it's become persistent, urgent.
it's not just that i don't enjoy my job - there are parts i do enjoy, and parts i loathe. no, what this voice seems to be telling me is that journalism is not good for me any more. and that's fine. i tend to agree.
the problem is, i don't know what my alternatives are.
it's not just that i don't enjoy my job - there are parts i do enjoy, and parts i loathe. no, what this voice seems to be telling me is that journalism is not good for me any more. and that's fine. i tend to agree.
the problem is, i don't know what my alternatives are.
+i have no idea what i want to do instead.
+i have few qualifications and not much useful work experience outside of journalism.
+i have few qualifications and not much useful work experience outside of journalism.
+i don't have the heart or the money for extensive re-training [a little would be okay].
+i'm settled in whanganui, and the job market isn't great here.
when i hear this whispering voice say, "you need to stop being a journalist", i ask, "what should i do instead?" ... and all i hear is silence. or at night i have dreams about random things, like being an art therapist. [an art therapist???]
so it's fair to say i feel stuck at the moment, listening for an answer that is taking a long time to arrive. of course, i do still have a job and for that i'm grateful. it means i don't have to rush in to a hasty decision. i'm spending a lot of my spare time right now researching my options.
i have a firm belief that if i keep listening, the answer will come ...
so it's fair to say i feel stuck at the moment, listening for an answer that is taking a long time to arrive. of course, i do still have a job and for that i'm grateful. it means i don't have to rush in to a hasty decision. i'm spending a lot of my spare time right now researching my options.
i have a firm belief that if i keep listening, the answer will come ...
[i do wish it would hurry up, though.]
5 comments:
Keep listening Anne-Marie! Something will come. It's so important to listen to those parts of your self. I went through the same thing a few years ago, throwing away the enticing start of a high flying academic career for the grounded practicallity of being a primary school teacher. Best choice I've ever made. Although it can be hard work it truly feeds my soul.
very important that you are listening...
I will wait here with you for the answer.
"Listen" is the very first word of the Rule of Benedict, the kernel of which gives beauty to many of us living a modern-day version of this spiritual path.
I'm glad you are doing your share of listening.
I had some helpful advice once about this kind of dilemma. It was to ask "What is it about..." questions. E.g. what is is about being an art therapist (or whatever) that stirs something in you?
And of course journalists aren't the only ones who use words.
i know how you feel - i look at my current job and have no clue how i got here from where i wanted to be, but don't realistically have many options right now
if you have any spare money i suggest some evening courses in things that interest you or that you want to re-learn. This may help to set you on your path
you need to stop being a journalist...
if art therapy interests you try this exercise:
think about these questions,
"what would your day look like if you weren't a journalist"
"how would you feel if you weren't a journalist"
"what would being something else look like, smell like, taste like"
then draw your response
get away from your words
move into your images
they have their own story to tell
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